9 – 7 = definitely true
6 – 4 = moderately true
3 – 1 = not at all true
1) I am thoughtful of others wishes, desires, needs and wants.
Do you consider what others need and want? In past relationships was it easy, enjoyable, and natural to consider what your partner wanted? Do you get pleasure out of being thoughtful and kind?
2) I am respectful of others.
Do you speak to others in a respectful manner? Are you considerate of others feelings? In past relationships did you communicate with your partner as a respected equal and someone you admired?
3) I take time for myself.
Do you take the time to do things for yourself? Do you allow yourself the simple pleasures that make you feel good? Do you eat well, get enough sleep, exercise regularly? Do you take time to relax? Do you nourish your mind?
4) I am playful.
Are you able to let your boyish spirit come out and romp? Do you look for opportunities to dance and tease? Do you make time to be with friends? When you were in a relationship did you make a point to play and flirt with your partner, making sure that she didn’t take life too seriously, making time for vacations, time with friends, time to dance and celebrate?
5) I go out of my way to compliment others.
Do you enjoy telling others that they look good, that they did a job well, that they’re smart or capable? When you were in a relationship did you look for opportunities to let your partner know you found her attractive, capable and smart?
6) I’m good at making others feel special.
Do you let others know what’s special about them? When you were in a relationship were you considerate of what your partner’s soul needed from you?
7) I go out of my way to let the people I care about know they are important to me.
Do you tell your family and friends that they matter to you? Do you share the reasons why? When you were in a relationship did you let your partner know, on a regular basis, how she made your life better?
8) I encourage women to enjoy being women.
Do you look for ways to help women feel good about being a woman? When you were in a relationship did you look for ways to make your partner feel beautiful, attractive, special and that you loved what made her different than you?
9) I am verbally appreciative.
Do you think to let others know they did a good job? Do you thank people for being kind or thoughtful? Do you let your family and friends know that you’re happy they’re in your life? When you were in a relationship did you make a point to appreciate your partner for the things she did for you, for how good she was at her job, for how creative she was, for how thoughtful and considerate and loving she was?
10) I am generous with my money.
Do you enjoy spending money on the people you care about? Do you enjoy spending money on yourself? When you were in a relationship did you enjoy putting a smile on your partner’s face with special purchases, occasional surprises and even the day-to-day expenses of life? Or do you hoard money, resent spending on others?
11) I am generous with my time.
Do you like taking time to be with family and friends? Do you offer to work on projects that will benefit others? When you were in a relationship did you enjoy spending time with your partner and doing things with and for her?
12) I practice gratitude.
Do you regularly make note of what you’re grateful for? Do you let God (whatever God is to you) know how grateful you are for the things you have and even for simply being alive?
13) I express with my words and actions how much I care for others.
Do you tell your family and friends that you love them, that they matter to you, that they’re important to you? Do you do so on a regular basis? Do you occasionally, out of the blue, pick up the phone and express your heartfelt affection for them? When you were in a relationship, did you tell you partner, on a regular basis, that you loved her, that you thought she was wonderful, that you were lucky to have her in your life, that your life would not be quite as good without her? When you were in a relationship did you give lots of physical affection, hugs, hand holding, touching, kisses on the back of the neck?
14) I take good care of my body.
Do you eat well, sleep enough, exercise, keep your weight at a healthy level? Do you show the world, and the women you date, that you respect and honor your body?
15) I have a positive, happy attitude.
Do you smile easily, are you playful with others, do you feel like life is good and only gets better? Are people happy to have you around? When you were in a relationship were you a blessing to have around, did you do your best to buoy the spirits of your partner, trying to make your life together as good as it could possibly be?
16) I communicate with clarity, confidence and compassion.
Do you make a point to speak to others with forethought, so that your communications are received in the way you intend? Do you pay attention to how others respond to what you say? When you were in a relationship did you put in the effort it took to be sure that what you wanted to communicate was understood?
17) I listen with heartfelt respect.
Do you listen closely to what others are saying to you, letting them know you care about what they’re communicating? Do you make eye-contact, not looking around for someone more interesting to talk to? When you were in a relationship did you repeat back to them what you heard, making sure they communicated to you what they wanted to, and giving them the comfort of knowing you cared enough to want to know what they were saying? Or do you look for your first opportunity to jump in and say what you want to say, ignoring what the other person is trying to communicate to you?
18) My sexual energy is healthy.
Do you have a healthy respect for your sexuality? Do you enjoy the sensual pleasures of food, beautiful things, colors, smells, even the feel of a warm breeze on your skin? Do you allow life to be enjoyed rather than endured? When you were in a relationship were you a sensitive lover paying attention to her needs and desires? Did you go out of your way to be sexually playful and erotically creative with your partner? Were you tender and caring, noticing her moods and what would be appropriate for her to feel loved by you?
19) I feed my mind.
Do you regularly read things that enhance your level of knowledge and wisdom? Do you go out of your way to learn new things? Do you look for that which will inspire you? Do you express your creativity? When you were in a relationship did you encourage each other to continue to learn new things, then share what you’d learned, staying interesting and interested?
20) I am always growing, working toward becoming the best person I can possibly be.
Do you look at life’s experiences, especially the uncomfortable or painful ones, as opportunities to grow? Do you read books, take workshops and go out of your way to understand yourself so that you can be a happier, more effective person? Do you take full responsibility for your outcome, no matter what? When you were in a relationship were you in the habit of seeing both sides of the dance, how everything that happened between you was partly your doing and partly hers? Did you understand that relationship, more than anything else in life, is the greatest challenge and therefore, the greatest opportunity to learn and grow? Or do you tend to blame others for what’s going on for you, assuming they are the cause of your reactions?
21) I celebrate being a man.
Are you grateful to be alive, are you in awe of the universe, life, and your God-given gift of being a man, with your ability to live life with gusto? When you were in a relationship did you use the love you shared to honor the gift of your humanness, to squeeze everything possible out of the life you shared?
The reasons some are successful at dating or marriage, while others are not might seem like a mystery, but it doesn’t have to be so. There are ways of being, things you can do and say – some very subtle, but easy to learn – that can make all the difference.
But the thing that trumps everything else? How good you feel about being the man you are, or put another way, how happy you are.
This test is designed to help you become aware of things you might not have considered to be part of what is required to be fulfilled as a man. The more you get to know what’s going on inside, and change the things you wish were different, the happier you will be.
Men have been taught that it’s not manly to be vulnerable. But it’s in those moments when you allow your heart to be exposed that you can enjoy the blessings of love.
One of the greatest gifts of self-discovery is that you can stop trying to fit into the mold that ‘all men are supposed to fit into’ and develop your own unique way of being you. No one else can do that, only you.
The results of this test will hopefully inspire you to improve yourself in the areas where your scores are less than you’d like. No guilt is allowed, just inspiration.
Your Score: 189 – 147
You’re dating: If you score high on this test, you’re doing a lot of things right. If you’re dating, you probably find that the women you go out with are likely interested in seeing you again. Nice to have choices, isn’t it?
You’re married: If your score is high, you probably have a very satisfied wife. This test will pinpoint the one or two things you might want to improve even more.
Your Score: 146 – 84
You’re dating: If you’re like most men, when you go on a date you tend to get a bit nervous. The more attracted you are the more nervous you’ll be. When you’re nervous you revert to automatic behavior. If that automatic behavior is not as appealing as it could be, maybe even turning women off, you’re not going to be looking your best and you could very well chase off the perfect woman. So improving anything you scored low in, will help you to be much more desirable.
You’re married: If your score is in the mid range, it means you have some areas where you can improve. Take one at a time and play with each to see how your wife responds. Then you can turn those that work into habits that will make your marriage much happier.
Your score: 83 – 21
You’re dating: If your score is in this range, you have a variety of areas where you can improve how you relate to women. That’s okay. At least now you know what needs to be fixed.
You’re married: A score in this range means you and your wife are probably struggling to keep your love alive. Sit down together and come up with a plan to improve the ways you are interacting.
No matter your score, check my mens website to see what I offer there. As with women, my goal on HeroWithHeart.com, which is in the development stage, is all about you becoming the happiest, most fulfilled man you can be.
As always, helping you make magic, everywhere you go,
Copyright © 2013 by Kara Oh – All Rights Reserved Worldwide