Valentine’s Day is not a holiday for lovers.
For women, it’s an expectation day for women who have a boyfriend or husband, and a exclusionary day for women who are single and unattached.
For men who have a girlfriend or wife, it’s not a holiday, it’s a ‘horrid-day,’ except for the miniscule few who are into making a big deal of it. For men who are single, it’s a day of ‘Yahoo, I don’t have to deal with it!’
Of course, if the guy is wanting sex, his mind isn’t so much on celebrating love as it is on getting some nookie.
Where did all the expectations about Valentine’s Day come from? If you could watch commercial from the 60′s to now, you’d see the marketing trend that has caused men to shudder at the thought of this particularly dreadful holiday.
The first thing I want to ask is, “Do you celebrate your love ever day, like couples in a happy, healthy relationship do?” If not, why not?
The second thing I want to ask is, “Is the rest of the year a struggle, with resentment, disappointment, arguments, and punishment with silence?” If so, a Velentine’s Day gift is not going to fix it.
The third thing is, “What are you doing for him? If you expect him to do something for you, then it should be reciprocal. Here’s an idea for What He’d REALLY Like For Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, not gifts, shoulds, and ought-tos. The media circus that puts the emphasis on the outer show of love has caused couples, women in particular, to forget what it’s really supposed to be about.
But…if you do have a need for him to ‘prove his love’ with gifts and big plans, then don’t put him through the fear he’s going through right now. If you want something in particular, spell it out for him.
Men do not notice your subtle hints. And the sure as hell can’t read your mind. You would not believe how many disappointed women have told me, “He should have known.” Sorry, he shouldn’t. You should have told him…whatever it is you wanted him to know.
“But I want to be surprised,” you might say. Okay, then give him a list of things you’d like, where to get them and how much they will cost, having searched the best price. Then tell him, “I know this isn’t an important holiday for you, but for some reason, it is for me. So here’s a list of things I’d like. You can pick one and then I’ll be surprised.”
Not romantic? You’re right, it isn’t. But at least he’ll be off the hook of fearing he’s going to mess up, and you’ll get something you want. The surprise will be which item he’ll select. But if one is an engagement ring and another is a box of candy, don’t be disappointed that he got the candy. Make each item on the list something that would make you happy, no matter which he picks.
Or, why not let him do whatever he wants, and as long as it’s a show of love, even if it’s a note on the kitchen counter, be happy that he wanted you to know he cares.
Helping you make magic, everywhere you go,