Is shyness or insecurity keeping you from being happy and having what you want?
Men agree that one of the most attractive qualities in a woman is when she's self-assured, likes herself, is comfortable with who she is, likes how she looks and most importantly, she's happy. It's impossible to be all those things when you're shy or insecure. And being happy and being shy are two opposites.
Being shy is a state of mind and can be changed with practice. The more you describe yourself as shy, the more you believe it to be who you are.
Shyness stops you from having fun. I know because I used to be shy and insecure, thinking people would rather not have me around. I realized one day that I was being very self-centered.
Shyness and insecurity means you're worrying about how other people see YOU, how they feel about YOU, and how they judge YOU. Turn it around and begin to see that most people are shy, at least some of the time, and usually waiting for someone to make the first move.
Do you admire those people who can go up to anyone, introduce themselves, and begin a conversation? Well, you can become that kind of person, the kind of person people enjoy having around.
Here's how to get rid of that totally useless shyness that's holding you back from enjoying the good stuff in life.
Stage One: (Remember: They're a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)
1) Practice smiling in front of the mirror. Often, when we're shy we think we're smiling but our mouths don't show it.The best way to do this is to look away from the mirror, smile, then look in the mirror. Is your smile big enough for someone else to notice? Keep practicing and be sure to include your eyes in your smile as well. Otherwise, it looks fake.
2) Now that you have practiced developing a warm and friendly smile, begin smiling at strangers who don't intimidate you.
3) When that becomes completely comfortable, start smiling at people who do intimidate you, like nice looking men, but not those who you're attracted to. When that becomes comfortable, start smiling at men you do find attractive.
4) Start saying hello to people who don't intimidate you. |
5) When that feels comfortable, start saying hello to people who do intimidate you, working up to the scariest.
6) Start complimenting people who don't intimidate you. Find something about them like a color they're wearing, a dress, a tie, whatever. It doesn't matter as long as your intention is to sincerely make them feel good.
7) When that becomes comfortable, compliment scarier and scarier people as you become comfortable with each new level.
8) Start flirting with people who don't intimidate you. I don't mean sexual flirting. I mean get them to laugh, play with them, compliment them and tease them in nice ways. A great way to learn to flirt in this way is to start with kids. The same kinds of silly, friendly things you can say to a child (or even a cute dog) is what Friendly Flirting is all about.
9) Flirt with scarier and scarier people. Learn how fun it can be to bring smiles and laughter into people's lives. You don't have to be a comedian to get people to laugh. Watch others, rent movies that have people who act like what I'm talking about and practice untill it's comfortable. And always practice each new level on people who are completely unintimidating to you.
Stage Two: (Remember: They're a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)
1) Start conversations with strangers who don't intimidate you: People in line with you at the supermarket, people in parks, waitresses, secretaries. Whenever you want to practice, go out and find someone to talk to. Watch what other people talk about. Notice things around you. Make comments, ask questions.
2) As you become more comfortable, start conversations with scarier and scarier people.
3) Now that you're pretty comfortable with other people, start walking up to people (when it's appropriate) and introduce yourself and begin a conversation. It's all about intention. Wanting to bad enough...and lots of practice.
If you practice all these steps, I guarantee you'll lose most, if not all, of your shyness. Sure, everyone gets insecure and intimidated occasionally, but they simply acknowledge the feeling and go ahead and do it anyway.
You can do this if you really want to. It's up to you to put in the time and work. But trust me, because this is how I got over being shy, it works.And the best thing is, I enjoy life so much more than I did when I was scared all the time. |
