Thinking of Trading In Your ‘Gently Used’ Man?

I saw a quote recently that I think it was by Betty White. It went something like this: Listen to him chew. If you can stand to hear that for the rest of your life, then, by all means, go ahead and marry him.

If you hang around with someone long enough, you will usually discover at least one habit that irritates you. If your guy has a bunch of bad habits and you’re beginning to climb the walls, it’s likely that you might develop some resentment.

I often talk about how resentment kills love. But if his habits are just irritating, and you’re thinking of trading him in on a new model, just remember that everyone–yes, including you–have habits that can be irritating.

If you haven’t ever mentioned that what he’s doing is getting on your nerves, have you ever mentioned it to him? If so, did you talk to him about it in a loving way? If you’re not sure how to go about having that kind of discussion, you can access the Marriage Makeover program and learn several ways to have difficult discussions.

Watch this video that I made on this topic.

Has Your Love Gone Stale?

It happens in most relationship. At different times, you don’t feel like you are in love any longer. That’s natural. Relationships ebb and flow. Life ebbs and flows.

Sometimes you focus on what you don’t like about the other person, or that irritating habit that you used to think was adorable, and now it’s driving you up the walls.

If you want to get back to where you are both in love with each other again, this video might be exactly what you need:

What To Do When Your Feelings Get Hurt

needy-womenYesterday I heard two little kids fighting, one yelling at the other, “You hurt my feelings.” Little kids are still learning how to negotiate life. So it’s reasonable that they would blame someone else for how they feel. But for us adults, it’s important that we understand that we are completely in charge of how we respond to what others do and say to us.

So no one can hurt your feelings. No one can make you angry. No one can make you cry (unless they use physical force.) Each of us is responsible for how we react and respond to others. Part of that responsibility is how to communicate with your husband or boyfriend when they cross the line and treat you with a lack of love or respect.

Sometimes, if you don’t speak up, he doesn’t know that what he did or said upset you. So first, it’s important to communicate what’s going on. But if you blame or accuse, then communication won’t occur. Communication only happens when the person you’re speaking to understands what you’re saying. If they are defensive, they’re focused on protecting themselves, and coming up with something to say back. This is commonly referred to as a fight.

So how do you handle this kind of communication? First, let him know how what he said made you feel. Let him know you take responsibility for how you reacted, but that what he said didn’t feel good. It’s possible that he didn’t know you felt that way. Be sure you don’t blame or accuse, but ask him how this might be handled in the future. Together, come up with a loving, playful, or humorous way of letting him know he did or said something that didn’t feel good.

Real love can only happen when you both keep your hearts open to each other. Clear and loving communication will take you a long way toward making sure love grows, instead of drying up.

A Radically Different Approach To Arguing

happy_couple2There’s no such thing as a perfect match. That means, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.

There are bound to be times when you don’t agree.

And for some, there are bound to be the occasional argument.

What if there was a drastically different approach to getting along…an approach that has the power to infuse your relationship with a brand new kind of love and understanding.

If you’d like your relationship to become ‘smooth sailing,’ you’re in luck.

Let me share a new book that has just been released.

I know the authors personally, and they are the cutest couple. They have come up with an effective new way to approach the little day-to-day issues that often become big, relationship-threatening issues.

The title: How Two Have a Successful Relationship. (No, that’s not a typo)

Here are the bullet points from their Amazon page:

  • How to find mutual solutions to decision making and problem-solving
  • How to remain an individual within the relationship
  • How to break the vicious cycle of anger and recrimination
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that create separation and estrangement
  • How to keep that original loving connection to your partner

I especially like the last one.

You won’t believe how simple their suggestions are, and how easy to make a part of how you interact and communicate.

You both want your needs met, and this book will teach you how to make that happen.

You can order the print version or Kindle version at

You owe it to yourself, you owe it to your partner, and if you have kids, you most certainly owe it to them.

P.S. You know I don’t make recommendations very often. In my opinion, this book, and what Phil and Maude teach, should be required reading for every couple.

P.P.S. What you will learn will help every one of your relationships, both professional and personal.

Get your copy today: How Two Have a Successful Relationship


Are You Teaching Your Child To Be Unhappy?

HappyFamilyLast evening I was talking to some people about how we teach children to be unhappy. Ans sure enough, when I dropped by the market before going home for the night, I saw yet another example of exactly what I was referring to.

There was a child screaming at his mother because she wouldn’t give him what he wanted. Unfortunately, I see this kind of behavior more and more frequently.

What I know about human behavior is that this is not the first time that little boy acted that way. He learned it by trial and error. It became one of his tools for getting what he wanted.

Why? Because it works.

At some point, the parent finally gives in and gives the child what it wants. It might be because the parent is embarrassed and wants to shut the kid up. Often, it’s because the child finally wears the parent down.

As long as the behavior eventually gets the outcome the child needs, he will repeat it. It might be that it is the only way the child gets the attention he craves.

But trust me, a child who learns to get his way through screaming, badgering, and manipulating, will grow up to be an unhappy adult.

The First Time

I suspect every child attempts to throw a fit when they are told they can’t have what they want. It either works or it doesn’t.

Here’s a story about my daughter, Amber, who is now forty-eight. I did not allow my children to have sugar. When she was two, she threw her first fit when I would not let her have one of those grotesquely multi-colored cereals.

She threw herself on the floor and began to kick and scream. I did not react. Instead, I allowed her to carry on, even though people were looking at me like I was a bad mother. I didn’t care. My intuition told me to simply allow her to ‘do her thing.’

After she had worn herself out, she got up and never again threw another fit. When her brother, who was three years younger, tried it, he got the same reaction from me. He never tried again.

You Can’t Reason With a Screaming Child

A couple of weeks ago I was on my morning walk and saw a couple trying to deal with their screaming child. The mother was kneeling down, trying to talk the child into calming down. When children are in the midst of a meltdown, you can’t reason with them.

When you do, you are giving them the attention that all children crave. That is a form of reward. When a child is rewarded for bad behavior, it becomes a tool for them to get what they want.

When I first got involved with Stephen, his daughter was in the habit of crying and getting upset when things didn’t go her way. Once I felt comfortable enough to become part of her ‘parenting’ team, I stepped in. I told her she could cry and be as upset as she wanted, for as long as she wanted, but to do so in her room.

She marched off to her room, slammed the door, and continued her outburst. But not for very long. You see, she realized very quickly that she wasn’t getting any attention. After she had settled down, she joined us. We didn’t say anything about what had happened because that would have given her attention for bad behavior. But it worked because she never tried that behavior again. Today, almost five years later, she’s one of the most joyful, delightful children I know.

What Does This Have To Do With Your Relationship?

It has a lot to do with your relationship. Think about it. If you have a child who regularly behaves this way, with outbursts, screaming, even throwing things, how happy is your home?

Not very.

And what if the parents don’t agree on how to deal with this kind of behavior? Yep, a great big ugly wedge is sitting between you.

My advice, only reward good behavior. And remember, attention is a form of reward, even if it is you getting angry at the child.

You have an obligation to teach your children to be happy. You owe it to yourself, to your relationship and society. The world needs happy people who are kind, compassionate, and respectful of others.