When I was three, my mother divorced my dad because it turned out he liked other woman a bit more than he did her.
After her divorce, she went on a date with a new man and got pregnant. He wouldn’t marry her, why would he since he barely knew her, so she took me to my grandma’s farm in Fairfield, Illinois, and left me for six months.
That’s because she went to New Orleans to stay in a ‘home for unwed mothers.’ When she returned, I didn’t know her. I mean, six months is a long time for a three-year-old. When she tried to take me away, I remember clinging to my grandma, scared of what I wasn’t sure.
Then, I remember looking through the back window of the car, crying, as my grandma and grandpa got smaller and smaller. Today, I know those six months were the happiest of my childhood. Shoot, they were the happiest for the next thirty years.
On To Los Angeles
My mother had gone to St. Louis after leaving Fairfield. That’s where she met my dad. But after the divorce, she wanted to get as far away as possible. Turns out she was afraid they would take me from her, now that she was a single mother with two kids and only a high school education.
She had three big brothers and two of them lived in Los Angeles. So we moved in with my Uncle Elvis until his wife said we had to leave. Then we were taken in by my Uncle Eldon. Elvis was really fun and was always my favorite. Eldon scared me, maybe because he was kind of grumpy. But he had three kids and my Aunt Fanny was good to us.
Finally, my mother got a good job and we moved into an apartment in Inglewood. If you ever go to LAX, Century Boulevard is that big main street that goes right into the airport. We lived just on the other side of the 405.
I didn’t know it at the time, but my mother was an alcoholic. I felt responsible for my mom, as I later learned is typical of kids of alcoholics. She was always fearful, and then there was the drinking. There was never a moment of warm fuzzies with her. As an adult I learned to love her dearly, but way back then, I felt utterly and completely alone and on my own.
Because we were barely getting by financially – I didn’t know we were poor – I never had new clothes. Everything came from my cousin Judy, Uncle Eldon’s oldest daughter. And new shoes were rare. I remember every Sunday getting some cardboard, tracing my shoes onto the cardboard, and after cutting out what I’d drawn, slipping that piece of cardboard into my shoes. I can still feel how good that new cardboard felt. A week of sweaty feet can really make cardboard lumpy.
I remember being really embarrassed by my clothes, my shoes – I never let the bottoms of my shoes show – and my house. I remember the school bus driving by at the same time I was about to walk onto the path to our apartment and instead, continuing to walk so the kids on the bus wouldn’t see where I lived.
So insecurity and shyness were my constant companions through all those years. I look back at the few photos of me and I didn’t smile much. Thank God for the couple across the street because they made me feel happy and safe. Uncle Tay was like the dad I never had.
After a bunch of boyfriends, my mother finally settled on Charlie Deacon. I never liked him. One day, they returned from a trip to Las Vegas and announced they’d gotten married. I was furious that she hadn’t talked to us. I was in seventh grade by then and old enough to have been told that they were going to do that. Even though he’d been living with us, what was previously an intrusion now felt like a violation. I really hated having him around.
On To Tulsa
Because of my step-dads work, we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma. I had graduated from 8th grade in Inglewood but in Tulsa, 9th grade was still junior high school. I cried all summer. Junior high and high school were pretty miserable for me because I was so insecure. What a difference it would have made if I had been a confident girl.
On To College
I met my future husband the first month of college. We began to date and were beginning to talk about me moving to Santa Barbara, where he was from. I got pregnant and that pretty much settled things. We moved to Santa Barbara and began our marriage.
My daughter changed the direction of my life. I don’t know if I’d have moved to this beautiful city. And I wouldn’t have had my son. Both of my children, now grown with families of their own, continue to be such a blessing to me. My heart overflows with gratitude.
After my marriage of 29 years dissolved, I moved to Maui for 2 months, then went on to Bali, Indonesia for several months. There I discovered parts of myself I never knew existed.
When I returned home to Santa Barbara, I developed a weekend workshop called ‘Embracing Our Sensual Selves.’ In the afternoon of the second day I brought in a panel of men who would answer questions…on ANY topic. It was eye-opening for all of us… including the men.
I interviewed the men before allowing them to be on one of my panels. And wow, did they open up. They often told me they shared things with me that they’d never revealed to anyone before. That’s where I learned the ‘Secrets About Men’ that I reveal in Men Made Easy.
More Happiness, More Love, More YOU!
After years of facilitating workshops, coaching couples and individuals, and observing people, I’ve come to the conclusion that the primary thing that interferes with you enjoying the love and happiness you deserve is you not living life as you.
Too often, we live the life our parents, our partner, our society says to live. Too often, we hide our true selves in order to fit in. Too often, and sadly, we let our childhood traumas, old relationships, and insecurities keep us from releasing all that holds us back from living our lives as our true selves. I know this because that’s what I did for over thirty years.
Yes, relationships are important. But the most important one is your relationship with you.
Because that relationship will color every other relationship you have, whether it’s with your lover, your women friends, family, and co-workers.
So over the years, I have shifted my advice from primarily relationship advice, over to what it takes for you to cast aside all that isn’t you. When you do that, you begin to discover a greater sense of aliveness, joy, and yes, love.
Feminine Grace is primarily about you falling in love with you. Loving being a woman will awaken who you truly are. And that’s when YOU can live life to the fullest.
I want you to know how to make magic in your life. When Feminine Grace is a part of who you are, you will become a magic maker, and you’ll be the happiest woman you’ve ever been, enjoying a life filled with heart-melting love.
Let your joy shine,
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