Over Thinking Is As Bad As Under Thinking

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image23852206When it comes to relationships, you can’t always trust your heart.

That’s because sometimes, when you think it’s talking to you, it’s really your brain trying to influence you.

So how do you know when it’s doing that?

Well, when you try to talk yourself into something that has to do with your relationship, you often go by what’s logical or proper, or what your parents want you to do. (Below is are a couple of tests to help you make smarter decisions.)

If you don’t think it through,  you might end up doing something that you’re sorry about later. The sad thing is when that kind of choice changes the course of your life.

Actually, it’s that kind of thinking that messes us up in other ways as well.

Like trying to stick to a healthier way of eating, or sticking with your workout plan.

Or having sex with someone you just met. Which basically means, you’ve just had sex with a total stranger.

Yikes! What were you thinking?

Well, you weren’t. That’s when under thinking enters the arena.

We (as in all us humans) do some pretty dumb things because we didn’t think it through.

Like, what might the consequences be if we have sex with a stranger (or our best friend’s boyfriend or husband),

or buy those $300 shoes that we don’t need and will put our bank account on red alert.

If you have to talk yourself into doing something that your heart isn’t wanting you to do…think it through.

Maybe it’s actually a good idea, but maybe it’s not. You won’t know until you give it a good once over.

If you’re considering doing something that is causing your gut to jump up and down trying to get your attention, stop for just a moment…and think it through.

Yes, we live in a society of instant gratification. But some things need a little bit of time to thinkitthrough.

Here are a couple of ways to help you think things through:

  1. I learned this from Tony Robbins many years ago. Do what he calls the ‘Rocking Chair Test.’ You have a choice or decision to make. Imagine yourself sitting on your porch when you’re 90 years old. You look back on your life and notice how you fee about having made the choice or decision. Are you happy with your choice, or not?
  2. I went to a workshop on developing organizational skills and they called this a Ben Franklin. Take a piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle, top to bottom. On the left write the pros, on the right, the cons. Go away for a couple of hours. Come back and weigh each item on your list, including both sides. It might be obvious what choice you should make. But if not, look at each item and ask yourself if you’re willing to live with each. That will help you make a smarter decision.

Join my Happy School and take charge of your happiness,


Do These Make You Unhappy?

Sad_Woman1Does it seem like your emotions are designed to make you unhappy?

Do you think that’s their primary purpose?

Funny how emotions are blamed when you react in ways that make you miserable. You’re sad, angry, anxious, worrying… “Stop being emotional,” they tell you.

But if you’re happy, excited, or silly, no one is going to tell you to stop being emotional.

So let’s get this one out of the way. Your emotions are there for no other purpose then to help you learn.

When you’re feeling ‘poopy’ there will be a lesson in that pile, waiting for you to dig it up.

If you’re feeling great, it’s a reward for doing life right.

If you were happy most of the time – meaning your are in the habit of being happy – you aren’t being called on very often to ‘step into the classroom of life.’ You’re just happy. And that’s wonderful.

But when you’re ‘put out in the hall to think about what you’ve done,’ that’s when you have the opportunity to get the benefit of learning from what’s happened.

Enjoy the ups and when there’s the occasional down, remember it’s there to teach you something.

But you have to be willing to be a student. A drop out isn’t living life, they’re simply coasting, waiting for the day they die. Harsh? Maybe. But it’s the truth. Don’t just coast through life, relish it, wring every bit of living out of every moment.

Happiness is definitely worth the effort,


These 3 T’s Will Keep You On His Mind

Young couple having fun in the kitchenDo you want him to be thinking about you throughout the day?

Do you want him to be excited to see you as soon as he can?

Do you want him to cringe at the thought of ever losing you?

What you need to do is sprinkle a generous amount of the 3 T’s into your relationship.

Caveat: If he’s a jerk, disrespectful, or generally an a-hole, then this advice is not for you. You’ll only get more of the same bad behavior. My advice is ALWAYS and ONLY for men who are generally decent, but need a little coaxing to wake up and be the man who you fell in love with…however long ago.

1) Tease

De’fun‘ition: To be playful to either lighten the mood or to get him to do something.

Life is much more enjoyable for you and for him when you’re in a playful mood. So be a joy to be around. And when you want him to do something, if you make your request in a playful way, you’ll have a much better chance of getting what you want. And if he can’t do it, remember to see things from his perspective so you stay in a good mood. He’ll be thinking about you because he’ll associate feeling good with you.

2) Tempt

De’fun’ition: To remind him of future goodies.

What’s his favorite thing? Food, your black garter belt, going out with the boys on Thursday night? Let him know what’s waiting for him and he’ll think you’re a goddess. And if it’s a night out with his buddies, he’ll brag about you, and be excited to get back to you.

3) Tantalize

De’fun’ition: To give him what he wants most, in the sexiest way possible.

Even if his favorite thing is a juicy steak, give it to him in whatever way will cause him to not think, but KNOW you’re the most amazing woman on the planet.

I’m often maligned for teaching women to do the old fashioned thing of catering to his needs. HEAR THIS!!! My advice is ALWAYS and ONLY about helping you get what YOU want. But to do that, you BOTH need to feel like winners. If you think you can bitch your way to getting him to behave, neither of you will be happy and eventually, one of you will leave.


Happiness comes to those who work at it,


This Is How To ‘Rate’ Your Love

LoveFramedReflectionHow do you know if the love you experience is as good as it can be?

How are you to know why you are having difficulty?

Or why it is so easy?

And what causes it to be good one day, and messy the next?

Easy, look inside.

If you are busy blaming your lover for something they have or have not done, in what way are you blaming yourself?

If you are feeling grateful that you have this person in your life, that you love each other so much, in what ways are you grateful for yourself…who you are and how you’re showing up in the world?

When you look into their eyes and not only see…but FEEL their love, what do you see when you look within?

ALL that goes on in your relationship, be it good or bad, can always be found inside your own heart, mind, spirit and psyche. Your inner regions are a road map to where you want to go. The hills, valleys, detours and smooth sailing are all a part of who you are.


Happiness is yours when you are ready for it,


Who’s Winning: Beavers or Love?

Beaver2How’s your love life going lately? Do you have some beavers in your life that are messing with…well, everything?

See, if you don’t feel good, you can’t feel love. I mean it. For love to be ‘real’ you have to be able to ‘feel’ it. Whether you’re giving love or receiving it, it’s just a word if you can’t feel it.

Love is an emotion. And just like any emotion, it you aren’t feeling it in your body, it’s just an idea, a word in your head. Think about it. Say, “I’m really angry.” But if you aren’t actually angry when you say it, it’s just a word.

Same with love. Say, “I love you.” If you don’t feel it when you say it, again, it’s just a word.

So what’s this got to do with beavers? Well, there are a bunch of things that go on in our lives that keep us from being able to feel alive…to ‘feel life.’ Feeling things like gratitude, compassion, happiness, and love.

Being able to feel ‘life’ means your energy is flowing. But what if you’re not feeling great. Maybe yesterday you ate a big plate of pasta and today, you’re constipated. That’s not like being sick in bed, but you certainly aren’t feeling great. Can you really ‘feel’ love if you’re constipated?

Or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, or bills, or your kid’s grades. Just like a beaver who has stopped the flow of a stream with his ingenious dam, there are lots of things that can cause your flow of energy to be damned.

Whether it’s constipation or that bill you forgot to pay, your ability to truly enjoy life, which means happiness and love, has been ‘beavered.’ Any time there’s a dam holding back your flow of energy, you’re going to miss out on the goodies of life.

So here’s an assignment: Is there a dam that you need to clear out? Do you need to eat better, drink less, forgive, add gratitude, or pay that bill? do you need to start loving yourself? Once you know what’s getting in the way of you experiencing life fully, then you can do something about it.

Beavers are cute, but who who needs them messing with your life?


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,


What If You Could Choose?

HappinessButOneChoiceDo you ever feel like your life is being run by someone else? Like you are not in charge of your thoughts, or even what you say? In a way, there’s some truth to that.

That’s because much of who you think you are, as the adult you see in the mirror, is actually the little girl you once were.

Yep, she’s in charge, way too much of the time. The problem is, until you’re aware of what she’s doing, you feel like you don’t have a choice in how you are.

Think about this: If the way you respond to, say your husband or boyfriend, is actually being driven by a scared little girl who doesn’t feel loved, do you think that might impact your relationship?

When you discover what she’s doing, and why, then you can do something about it. In one of the self-guided workshops I offer in the Happy School (a.k.a. My Inner Circle), you are guided to discover exactly what she’s been up to, and what she needs so she doesn’t continue to screw with your life.

She doesn’t mean to harm you, she’s just doing what a two, or three, or four-year-old thinks she needs to do to get her needs met. And what if she’s scared?

If unraveling this kind of mystery about yourself sounds interesting, it is. That’s why I say the journey of self-discover is the most fascinating you’ll ever take.

I’ve been around the world, visiting places like Papua New Guinea, living in Bali, walking through the Amazon rain forest, and watching horrified as an angry elephant attempted to knock over the car in front of ours. But with all that, I still say, self-discovery is more fascinating.

The beautiful thing about this journey is with each discovery, you get one step closer to becoming the person you were meant to be…filled with love and joy.

So I invite you to join me on this adventure of the heart, spirit, mind, and soul. With each new awareness about who you are, you will learn to love yourself a little bit more.

And here’s the really big thing, your self-love leads to ever-deepening love with your husband, boyfriend, or, if you’re still looking, with that one special man when you find him. Self-awareness begets self-love, which begets more of all the other kinds of love…even a deeper appreciation and gratitude for the beauty of a day.


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,


Are You ‘Happy’ With Your Weight?

WeightLossDomination2I know I always say happiness is from the inside out, but I also know from personal experience that I am a titch happier when my muscles show. I don’t care what the scale says if I look toned.

If for any reason you’re not pleased with your weight, then it will dampen your overall sense of well-being. Part of loving yourself is loving every part of YOU!

There are a ton of weight loss programs and diets to choose from. But only those that teach you how to improve your entire lifestyle, which means how you eat from here on out – not just for the next two months – is the ONLY way, O-N-L-Y way to get to the point where you can stand naked in the mirror and go, MUAH!

So I’m excited to tell you about a book written by someone I’ve gotten to know. All of what he does is with integrity and a real caring to help people. His name is Darrin Wiggins, and the book I want to share with you is, Weight Loss Domination: Lose 45 Pounds In 12 Weeks. It’s only $3.99 at Amazon, and you can read it on any device, even your iPhone. How cool is that?

I want you to be happy, and to be as happy as you possibly can – you do want that, don’t you? – and in order to do that, you must care enough to do ‘whatever it takes.’

Losing weight is not easy. I mean, what if losing weight was as much fun and was as easy as JLoButtgaining it? Now why can’t it be like that? Woo hoo!!! But alas, tis not so.

So as one who wants you to step on the path of happiness (it’s a way of traveling, not the destination), get your body lookin’ like you want.

BUT…WARNING!!! Do NOT do anything to look like whatever the latest $#%^@ fashion is. Don’t try to be skinny, just try to look healthy. That’s all you need to do. You know what’s healthy. Belly fat is not healthy. Big booty? If that’s what your body type is, roll with it. (No pun intended.) J-Lo obviously likes her butt. She’s got serious womanly curves. She is definitely not skinny.  But she is healthy looking. Go for healthy and you’ll be happy.


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,



Does Love Equal Happiness…Or the Other Way Around?

ManWomanByTreeI hear it all the time. “When I find the right man, I’ll be happy.” “When there’s love in my life, I’ll be happy.” “When he proposes, I’ll be happy.”

I’m not the only person you’ve heard say this, You CANNOT Experience TRUE Love Without First Being Happy. The other version is: …Without Loving Yourself First.

Of course, you can experience degrees of love, but even then, it will be fleeting…if you aren’t first a genuinely happy person.

Happiness is not about something outside of you. It’s ALL about what is going on on the inside. As ‘they’ say, “Happiness is an inside job.”

Until you take responsibility for what’s going on in your life, I’m sorry, but not a whole lot will change. Sure, there will be ups and downs, but you will always feel like a feather in the wind, never knowing what’s just around the corner.

True empowerment comes from knowing you’re in charge. That means you don’t have to wait around for something to happen in order for your life to finally be the way you want it to be.

Of course, if you get the job you want, or that condo you’ve been saving for, your life will be more of what you want it to be. But that’s because YOU MADE IT HAPPEN. You had a goal, then took the steps to make it a reality. That’s true empowerment.

NEWS FLASH!!! Happiness is exactly the same thing. You set your goal, then take the steps to make it happen. That’s why I’ve changed that message up there to: {Are you willing to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy?}

When you started saving for that condo, did you say no thanks to the new TV because you knew the condo was more important to you? Sure you did. You were on a path, and nothing was going to get in your way! You were a woman on a mission.

Well, until you put your personal happiness on that list of goals – preferably at the top – a bunch of way cool stuff will elude you. Love being one of the most significant.

Love is important because without, there’s always going to be something missing. I don’t necessarily mean romantic love, either. Lots of us have gone for long periods of time without it, but if you’re genuinely happy, then that means you have the self-love that is essential to any kind of happiness. And when you have self-love, you will have people in your life who love you. I guarantee it…unless you live in a cave.

Sheesh, I always have too much to say. So I’ll complete this tomorrow. Right now, ask yourself if there is ANY REASON why you wouldn’t put your happiness on your list of goals. This is a truly important to question to ask yourself, so sit quietly, do a Relaxation Meditation, and see what you come up with. Could be very interesting.


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,




Your 3rd ‘Happy Skill’ is Tits Up!

GoodBadPostureHave you figured out what Tits Up has to do with ‘happy skills’? As you might have noticed, the first and second skill have instant impact on how happy you feel.

You can’t feel sad if you get yourself into a feeling (not just an idea) of what you’re grateful for. So the moment you feel grateful, you’ll feel good. The same goes with smiling.

But as I mentioned in the previous article, you have to smile with your entire being to get that shift in how you feel inside. That’s because happiness comes from the inside. It’s an emotion, and all emotions are body-felt.

So this next ‘happy skill’ is also an instant fixer upper. You can see by the image how each looks on the outside. When you see someone slumped over that way, they look depressed. And if you allow yourself to slump over that way, and let your mouth drop, you will instantly feel sad. Feel it?

My modeling teacher used to scream at us, “Tits up!” to give an immediate reminder to stand up straight. But this is not just about modeling, it’s about looking and feeling great.

So here’s a rhyme I just thought up: Strand Up Straight and You’ll Feel Great. Cute, huh?

Change Your Chemistry…Change Your Mood

But it’s true. Your chemistry will be different, depending on whether you slump or point those tits up. When you stand up straight, with your shoulders back, you will look gorgeous, and you’ll feel great. And it can happen instantly.

When you combine ‘real’ gratitude, a ‘real’ smile, and ‘tits up’ you will become a happier woman, instantly. The key is feeling these three things in your body. When you do them together, look out world, here she comes, with toes tapping, and hands clapping.

Your happiness is in your hands, no one else can make you happy. And if you want to be truly happy, all of the time – except on the rare occasion that you can’t help but be sad – you have to be willing to do ‘whatever it takes’ to make it your natural state of being.

With these three ‘happy skills’ it doesn’t take much effort at all. The deeper stuff that’s getting in the way of your happiness? Well, that takes a bit more work, but so worth the effort. That’s what you get when you become a member of my Inner Circle. Online lessons in how to clear away the debris on your pathway of happiness.

Remember this, happiness is not a destination, but a way of traveling. And you can begin that journey whenever you want.


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,



Your 2nd ‘Happy Skill’ Is a Built-In Vibrator

SmilingWoman2Have you ever felt your cells vibrating? It feels pretty cool, doesn’t it? What’s great is that you can do that to yourself pretty much whenever you want.

How would you like to be happy pretty much all the time? That would be awesome, wouldn’t it? Habits are what I call your ‘Snap Back Position.’ (I explain what that is here.)

You wouldn’t believe how much of how you feel – emotionally, not physically – is because of your habits. Well, actually, how you feel physically is impacted as well, but that’s for another time.

in yesterday’s blog, I talked about making gratitude a habit. When that becomes a habit, you’ll have an overall sense that you’re just so frickin’ glad to be you. When you get there, you’ll feel it in every cell of your body because you’ll be vibrating at a new frequency. It’s true, I kid you not. You can literally turn yourself into a human vibrator.

How do you do it? Smile all the time. Yes, all-the-time. At least for as long as it takes for you to develop this new habit.

Oh, I hear you squealing, “No way, that would make me look like an insane person.” Well, before people talked into their hidden ear buds, yes, you would look insane. But today, you’ll just look like you’re having a awesome  conversation.

You don’t actually need to smile so big that your entire gums show. Now that would be insane. Plus, your gums need to stay moist or halitosis will counter what we’re trying to accomplish here.

See the image of the young woman above? Good, now cover her mouth. What do you see? Smiling eyes, right? So now, about becoming a human vibrator. You know you want to know about that, right?

Okay, here’s how you can feel the difference:

  1. Close your eyes and allow your face to go totally blank.
  2. Now let yourself smile just enough that you can feel it in your eyes.
  3. Your lips won’t have anything but the barest of smile because your mouth will stay  closed.
  4. Now hold that for a while. Really let yourself melt into that feeling. (I just did it and began to cry, the feeling was so sweet.)
  5. Next, let that feeling drop down into your heart. To help you, imagine your heart is wearing a sweet little smile.
  6. After you open your eyes, keep that smile in your heart.

When you do this process, your entire body will feel different. You will change the chemistry so you have ‘happy chemistry,’ the kind that makes you feel a bit high, and that will affect every cell in your body. You will begin to vibrate at a higher frequency. You will have become a human vibratory.

If that’s not too hoaky, you might want to take a look at what the Happy School is all about. I’d love you to join my Inner Circle. Partly because I’m pretty sure you’ll really like what you find, and partly because I’m a pleaser, and I don’t want to let Thomas, Benjamin, Galileo, and Michaelangelo down.

The 3rd ‘happy skill’? Tune in on Saturday. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, which is a great big party in the USA. So Stephen and I are going to drive over to Ojai and stay with friends and enjoy a pool party at their spectacular home.


Join my Inner Circle and learn the art of being happy,