What’s the Real Point of Valentine’s Day

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image4043326If you’ve been with me a while, you probably know I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Mostly, because the marketing causes so many expectations…that lead to disappointment most of the time.

If you don’t have someone in your life, then there’s the disappointment of feeling left out of all the hoopla.

If you have a new man in your life, you don’t know each other well enough to know what to expect, so you make up what you hope his romantic gesture will be.

If you’re in a well-established relationship, you might have concrete ideas of what you’d like him to do. If he falls short of your expectations, you’ll be disappointed, and he’ll be in trouble.

He’s scared because he wants to get it right, or he’s resentful because he doesn’t want to have to deal with it.

There’s a lot of pressure and guilt built into it for the guy. So it’s not that fun for him. Yes, some men love doing the over-the-top romantic things, but most don’t. And why is the pressure all on him? What if he was expecting something from you and had a fit if you messed up? (Hint: Marketing)

Here’s something to think about though. Where do those expectations come from? Why do you want him to do whatever it is you hope he will?

Is it something from the fairytale stories you read as a child? Is it all the advertisements in magazines and TV that has you hoping he’ll do the grand gesture?

And what do you think it will say about how he feels?

So now, one final question: What does Valentine’s Day have to do with love? Really.

Does it make your love stronger? Does it make it deeper? Does it help you build a solid future?

So here’s my advice, which I offer every year.

If you want something specific, but you want to be surprised, then give him three options.

Men don’t like to get it wrong. They don’t like to have to guess. And they hate that you expect them to ‘just know.’ As you have probably noticed, they’re also horrible at picking up on your hints.

So don’t set him up to fail. Set him up to win. Then you’ll both be happy.

And don’t make a big deal about a card. If he doesn’t give you one, let it go. If he gives you something generic, so what. If it’s mushy, but not the sentiment you wanted, don’t give him a hard time.

All the hurt feelings, anger, guilt, and disappointment that can go along with Valentine’s Day is not going to build love and strengthen your relationship.

One of the most useful lessons to learn is the art of detachment. All emotional pain comes from attachment. When you’re attached to an outcome, attached to how someone should behave, attached to the grand gesture, you are setting yourself up for heartache.

Yes, you could have the fairy tale Valentine’s Day. And will even that make your love stronger?

Sure, it will feel good. But it’s the daily interaction, the open and honest communication, the caring gestures, the compassion, the fun, and the lovemaking that cause a relationship to flower. Not the occasional Hallmark Holiday that comes with all the marketing hype designed to make you want something superficial.

Let go of the expectations, let your heart be open to whatever shows up and focus on building love, rather than ripping it apart.

And if you’re alone this year, get your girlfriends together and just have fun.

Blessings on your journey,

Kara Oh, Author

Can You Hear Your Heart Song?

HeartSongFearYour Heart Song holds all that you are and wish to be. Your heart is a conduit for all the best that life can offer, but only when it is in your highest and best good.

It’s not about that snazzy red convertible you want. It’s about living a life that lifts you up and inspires you to share your love, compassion, and joy. It’s about awakening and honoring your creativity. It’s about finding inner peace.

Allow yourself time in nature, time alone, time with no distractions from TV, your phone, or the internet. When you quiet yourself and simply be, your Heart Song will begin to be heard. It’s there, waiting for you to discover the truth of who you are.

You are a beautiful spirit, a gift to everyone with whom you interact, a model of what love looks like. Let your Heart Song guide you…it knows the way.

Wishing you blessings on your journey,

Kara Oh, Author

Be True To Yourself

Art Swan floating on the water at sunrise of the dayHow often have you done something you knew at the time you’d regret? Maybe you didn’t think of it that way, but in your gut, or the back of your mind, you had doubts.

When you ignore those little voices, the red flags, or your loved ones concerns, you are ignoring your own best interests. That is not how you stay true to yourself, that his how you dishonor yourself.

It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to have bad judgment. But if you continue to repeat the same mistakes, continue to make bad choices, you are showing the world (and yourself) that you don’t matter.

When you make a mistake, learn from it so you don’t make that mistake again. If you make a bad choice, learn from it so you make a smarter choice next time. Be true to yourself. Love yourself by not mistreating yourself.

How do you know if you’re being true to yourself? You’ll know because you’ll feel good about who you are, and you’ll be proud that you are being true to the glorious woman you are.

Be true to yourself. Show the world you matter. Join my Inner Circle and discover how wonderful it feels to fall in love with the magnificent woman you are…

Blessings on your journey,

Kara Oh, Author

Bliss Is Beautiful

BlissKimberlyBliss makes you beautiful. A bold statement, maybe.

But you might be asking one of a couple of questions.

Maybe, “What the heck is bliss?”

Or, “I’ve heard of it, but how can I get there?”

People who meditate talk about getting to a state of bliss. I meditate and I can tell you I’ve never gotten there on purpose. It’s only happened a few times when I was out in nature.

I know enough about bliss to know what has to happen, and that even if you’re only moving toward it, you will be more beautiful.

Here’s why:

As this image points out, bliss is achieved when fear and judgement are gone.

Fear is not attractive. You can only be your most beautiful when you’re happy.

You can’t be happy if you’re in a state of fear.

And when you’re being judgmental of someone, you’re being ugly. No clarification necessary there.

But do you need to achieve the state of bliss to be your most beautiful?

No, of course not. But you do need to be happy.

The good news is that happy is much easier to achieve than bliss. And in my opinion, a more worthy goal. Or at least a better use of your time and energy since it’s more likely that you’ll achieve your goal.

If you feel like fear is keeping you from enjoying happiness, you can become a member of my Inner Circle, which I also call the Happy School, and begin to go through the online workshops designed to help you clear away whatever is in the way of you being as happy as you want.

Let your beautiful light shine,

Kara Oh, Author

Romance Redefined

CoupleTalkingOnGrassRomance is one of those words that gets tossed about a lot, but what does it mean, really? I suspect the each person has their own definition, experience, and expectations about romance.

The other thing to look at is how romance has changed over the years. At one time, romance was laying a jacket over mud so a lady could walk across without getting dirty. That’s probably not going to happen to too many women today.

The expectations thing really messes with people’s minds. If you have expectations about how another person is supposed to behave, and they don’t live up to those expectations, what’s going to happen? A great big pile of disappointment. Not a great way to build love and strengthen your bond.

How about you let go of your definitions and expectations. Here’s what I propose.

Take every little kindness, ever bit of thoughtfulness, and every show of affection as romance.

If he sends you a text out of the blue, just to connect…see that as romance.

If he’s giving you his full attention…see that as romance.

If he rests his hand on your leg, or holds your hand, or leans against you while you’re watching TV…see that as romance.

If he brings home any gift, large or small…see it as romance.

If he washes your car while he’s out…see that as romance.

People are busy, they’re tires, often burned-out, don’t get enough sleep, don’t eat healthy, are distracted.

The GRAND GESTURES are probably not going to show up.

So let go of them. They’re only setting you up for disappointment. And who feels great when someone is disappointed with them. No one. And you know what, when they don’t feel good about what’s going on between you, they’ll pull away.

Then you wonder what happened.

So I invite you to watch for those little gestures, and when they show up, let  your guy know that he made you feel good, that you appreciate that he’s a romantic guy, and guess what? He’s very likely to add more romance because in all probability, he’s forgotten that you need it.

Be happy…it’s a choice,

Kara Oh, Author