Who’s Winning: Beavers or Love?

Beaver2How’s your love life going lately? Do you have some beavers in your life that are messing with…well, everything?

See, if you don’t feel good, you can’t feel love. I mean it. For love to be ‘real’ you have to be able to ‘feel’ it. Whether you’re giving love or receiving it, it’s just a word if you can’t feel it.

Love is an emotion. And just like any emotion, it you aren’t feeling it in your body, it’s just an idea, a word in your head. Think about it. Say, “I’m really angry.” But if you aren’t actually angry when you say it, it’s just a word.

Same with love. Say, “I love you.” If you don’t feel it when you say it, again, it’s just a word.

So what’s this got to do with beavers? Well, there are a bunch of things that go on in our lives that keep us from being able to feel alive…to ‘feel life.’ Feeling things like gratitude, compassion, happiness, and love.

Being able to feel ‘life’ means your energy is flowing. But what if you’re not feeling great. Maybe yesterday you ate a big plate of pasta and today, you’re constipated. That’s not like being sick in bed, but you certainly aren’t feeling great. Can you really ‘feel’ love if you’re constipated?

Or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, or bills, or your kid’s grades. Just like a beaver who has stopped the flow of a stream with his ingenious dam, there are lots of things that can cause your flow of energy to be damned.

Whether it’s constipation or that bill you forgot to pay, your ability to truly enjoy life, which means happiness and love, has been ‘beavered.’ Any time there’s a dam holding back your flow of energy, you’re going to miss out on the goodies of life.

So here’s an assignment: Is there a dam that you need to clear out? Do you need to eat better, drink less, forgive, add gratitude, or pay that bill? do you need to start loving yourself? Once you know what’s getting in the way of you experiencing life fully, then you can do something about it.

Beavers are cute, but who who needs them messing with your life?

Happiness is but one of many choices,


What If You Could Choose?

HappinessButOneChoiceDo you ever feel like your life is being run by someone else? Like you are not in charge of your thoughts, or even what you say? In a way, there’s some truth to that.

That’s because much of who you think you are, as the adult you see in the mirror, is actually the little girl you once were.

Yep, she’s in charge, way too much of the time. The problem is, until you’re aware of what she’s doing, you feel like you don’t have a choice in how you are.

Think about this: If the way you respond to, say your husband or boyfriend, is actually being driven by a scared little girl who doesn’t feel loved, do you think that might impact your relationship?

When you discover what she’s doing, and why, then you can do something about it. In one of the self-guided workshops I offer in the Happy School (a.k.a. My Inner Circle), you are guided to discover exactly what she’s been up to, and what she needs so she doesn’t continue to screw with your life.

She doesn’t mean to harm you, she’s just doing what a two, or three, or four-year-old thinks she needs to do to get her needs met. And what if she’s scared?

If unraveling this kind of mystery about yourself sounds interesting, it is. That’s why I say the journey of self-discover is the most fascinating you’ll ever take.

I’ve been around the world, visiting places like Papua New Guinea, living in Bali, walking through the Amazon rain forest, and watching horrified as an angry elephant attempted to knock over the car in front of ours. But with all that, I still say, self-discovery is more fascinating.

The beautiful thing about this journey is with each discovery, you get one step closer to becoming the person you were meant to be…filled with love and joy.

So I invite you to join me on this adventure of the heart, spirit, mind, and soul. With each new awareness about who you are, you will learn to love yourself a little bit more.

And here’s the really big thing, your self-love leads to ever-deepening love with your husband, boyfriend, or, if you’re still looking, with that one special man when you find him. Self-awareness begets self-love, which begets more of all the other kinds of love…even a deeper appreciation and gratitude for the beauty of a day.

I so wish you all the blessings that life has to offer,


Are You ‘Happy’ With Your Weight?

WeightLossDomination2I know I always say happiness is from the inside out, but I also know from personal experience that I am a titch happier when my muscles show. I don’t care what the scale says if I look toned.

If for any reason you’re not pleased with your weight, then it will dampen your overall sense of well-being. Part of loving yourself is loving every part of YOU!

There are a ton of weight loss programs and diets to choose from. But only those that teach you how to improve your entire lifestyle, which means how you eat from here on out – not just for the next two months – is the ONLY way, O-N-L-Y way to get to the point where you can stand naked in the mirror and go, MUAH!

So I’m excited to tell you about a book written by someone I’ve gotten to know. All of what he does is with integrity and a real caring to help people. His name is Darrin Wiggins, and the book I want to share with you is, Weight Loss Domination: Lose 45 Pounds In 12 Weeks. It’s only $3.99 at Amazon, and you can read it on any device, even your iPhone. How cool is that?

I want you to be happy, and to be as happy as you possibly can – you do want that, don’t you? – and in order to do that, you must care enough to do ‘whatever it takes.’

Losing weight is not easy. I mean, what if losing weight was as much fun and was as easy as JLoButtgaining it? Now why can’t it be like that? Woo hoo!!! But alas, tis not so.

So as one who wants you to step on the path of happiness (it’s a way of traveling, not the destination), get your body lookin’ like you want.

BUT…WARNING!!! Do NOT do anything to look like whatever the latest $#%^@ fashion is. Don’t try to be skinny, just try to look healthy. That’s all you need to do. You know what’s healthy. Belly fat is not healthy. Big booty? If that’s what your body type is, roll with it. (No pun intended.) J-Lo obviously likes her butt. She’s got serious womanly curves. She is definitely not skinny.  But she is healthy looking. Go for healthy and you’ll be happy.

Happy School is year round,



Does Love Equal Happiness…Or the Other Way Around?

ManWomanByTreeI hear it all the time. “When I find the right man, I’ll be happy.” “When there’s love in my life, I’ll be happy.” “When he proposes, I’ll be happy.”

I’m not the only person you’ve heard say this, You CANNOT Experience TRUE Love Without First Being Happy. The other version is: …Without Loving Yourself First.

Of course, you can experience degrees of love, but even then, it will be fleeting…if you aren’t first a genuinely happy person.

Happiness is not about something outside of you. It’s ALL about what is going on on the inside. As ‘they’ say, “Happiness is an inside job.”

Until you take responsibility for what’s going on in your life, I’m sorry, but not a whole lot will change. Sure, there will be ups and downs, but you will always feel like a feather in the wind, never knowing what’s just around the corner.

True empowerment comes from knowing you’re in charge. That means you don’t have to wait around for something to happen in order for your life to finally be the way you want it to be.

Of course, if you get the job you want, or that condo you’ve been saving for, your life will be more of what you want it to be. But that’s because YOU MADE IT HAPPEN. You had a goal, then took the steps to make it a reality. That’s true empowerment.

NEWS FLASH!!! Happiness is exactly the same thing. You set your goal, then take the steps to make it happen. That’s why I’ve changed that message up there to: {Are you willing to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy?}

When you started saving for that condo, did you say no thanks to the new TV because you knew the condo was more important to you? Sure you did. You were on a path, and nothing was going to get in your way! You were a woman on a mission.

Well, until you put your personal happiness on that list of goals – preferably at the top – a bunch of way cool stuff will elude you. Love being one of the most significant.

Love is important because without, there’s always going to be something missing. I don’t necessarily mean romantic love, either. Lots of us have gone for long periods of time without it, but if you’re genuinely happy, then that means you have the self-love that is essential to any kind of happiness. And when you have self-love, you will have people in your life who love you. I guarantee it…unless you live in a cave.

Sheesh, I always have too much to say. So I’ll complete this tomorrow. Right now, ask yourself if there is ANY REASON why you wouldn’t put your happiness on your list of goals. This is a truly important to question to ask yourself, so sit quietly, do a Relaxation Meditation, and see what you come up with. Could be very interesting.


Big hugs, lots of warm fuzzies, and blessings on your journey through life,




Your 3rd ‘Happy Skill’ is Tits Up!

GoodBadPostureHave you figured out what Tits Up has to do with ‘happy skills’? As you might have noticed, the first and second skill have instant impact on how happy you feel.

You can’t feel sad if you get yourself into a feeling (not just an idea) of what you’re grateful for. So the moment you feel grateful, you’ll feel good. The same goes with smiling.

But as I mentioned in the previous article, you have to smile with your entire being to get that shift in how you feel inside. That’s because happiness comes from the inside. It’s an emotion, and all emotions are body-felt.

So this next ‘happy skill’ is also an instant fixer upper. You can see by the image how each looks on the outside. When you see someone slumped over that way, they look depressed. And if you allow yourself to slump over that way, and let your mouth drop, you will instantly feel sad. Feel it?

My modeling teacher used to scream at us, “Tits up!” to give an immediate reminder to stand up straight. But this is not just about modeling, it’s about looking and feeling great.

So here’s a rhyme I just thought up: Strand Up Straight and You’ll Feel Great. Cute, huh?

Change Your Chemistry…Change Your Mood

But it’s true. Your chemistry will be different, depending on whether you slump or point those tits up. When you stand up straight, with your shoulders back, you will look gorgeous, and you’ll feel great. And it can happen instantly.

When you combine ‘real’ gratitude, a ‘real’ smile, and ‘tits up’ you will become a happier woman, instantly. The key is feeling these three things in your body. When you do them together, look out world, here she comes, with toes tapping, and hands clapping.

Your happiness is in your hands, no one else can make you happy. And if you want to be truly happy, all of the time – except on the rare occasion that you can’t help but be sad – you have to be willing to do ‘whatever it takes’ to make it your natural state of being.

With these three ‘happy skills’ it doesn’t take much effort at all. The deeper stuff that’s getting in the way of your happiness? Well, that takes a bit more work, but so worth the effort. That’s what you get when you become a member of my Inner Circle. Online lessons in how to clear away the debris on your pathway of happiness.

Remember this, happiness is not a destination, but a way of traveling. And you can begin that journey whenever you want.


Inspiring you to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy,



Your 2nd ‘Happy Skill’ Is a Built-In Vibrator

SmilingWoman2Have you ever felt your cells vibrating? It feels pretty cool, doesn’t it? What’s great is that you can do that to yourself pretty much whenever you want.

How would you like to be happy pretty much all the time? That would be awesome, wouldn’t it? Habits are what I call your ‘Snap Back Position.’ (I explain what that is here.)

You wouldn’t believe how much of how you feel – emotionally, not physically – is because of your habits. Well, actually, how you feel physically is impacted as well, but that’s for another time.

in yesterday’s blog, I talked about making gratitude a habit. When that becomes a habit, you’ll have an overall sense that you’re just so frickin’ glad to be you. When you get there, you’ll feel it in every cell of your body because you’ll be vibrating at a new frequency. It’s true, I kid you not. You can literally turn yourself into a human vibrator.

How do you do it? Smile all the time. Yes, all-the-time. At least for as long as it takes for you to develop this new habit.

Oh, I hear you squealing, “No way, that would make me look like an insane person.” Well, before people talked into their hidden ear buds, yes, you would look insane. But today, you’ll just look like you’re having a awesome  conversation.

You don’t actually need to smile so big that your entire gums show. Now that would be insane. Plus, your gums need to stay moist or halitosis will counter what we’re trying to accomplish here.

See the image of the young woman above? Good, now cover her mouth. What do you see? Smiling eyes, right? So now, about becoming a human vibrator. You know you want to know about that, right?

Okay, here’s how you can feel the difference:

  1. Close your eyes and allow your face to go totally blank.
  2. Now let yourself smile just enough that you can feel it in your eyes.
  3. Your lips won’t have anything but the barest of smile because your mouth will stay  closed.
  4. Now hold that for a while. Really let yourself melt into that feeling. (I just did it and began to cry, the feeling was so sweet.)
  5. Next, let that feeling drop down into your heart. To help you, imagine your heart is wearing a sweet little smile.
  6. After you open your eyes, keep that smile in your heart.

When you do this process, your entire body will feel different. You will change the chemistry so you have ‘happy chemistry,’ the kind that makes you feel a bit high, and that will affect every cell in your body. You will begin to vibrate at a higher frequency. You will have become a human vibratory.

If that’s not too hoaky, you might want to take a look at what the Happy School is all about. I’d love you to join my Inner Circle. Partly because I’m pretty sure you’ll really like what you find, and partly because I’m a pleaser, and I don’t want to let Thomas, Benjamin, Galileo, and Michaelangelo down.

The 3rd ‘happy skill’? Tune in on Saturday. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, which is a great big party in the USA. So Stephen and I are going to drive over to Ojai and stay with friends and enjoy a pool party at their spectacular home.


Inspiring you to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy,


3 ‘Happy Skills’ You Can Learn Right Now

WomanInLavenderFieldYesterday I said I’d share some skills for how to be happy. But first, I want to share something really personal with you.

A few years back, I realized that I needed to really get focused on what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life.

I’m older than you and want to make the most of the years I have left, which I hope will be a bunch.

So I did a meditation where I asked my ‘Inner Wise Self’ to help me figure it out. Well, the strangest thing happened. Instead of my usual ‘goddessy’ image, four of my favorite guys showed up. There was Thomas Paine, Benjamin Franklin, Galileo, and Michaelangelo. Weird, I know.

Well, as always with my meditations, I trusted it and just went with it. I asked them, “What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?” They went into a huddle, like they do on the football field with their arms over each other’s shoulders. Then they turned around and Thomas Paine said, “You’re supposed to inspire people to do the ‘work required’ to be happy.”

I was completely surprised. I might have come up with teaching people how to be happy, but I would never have thought of the ‘work required’ part. So, having shared that, I hope to ‘inspire’ you to want incorporate these ‘happy skills’ into your every-day way of living, meaning, turn them into part of your habitual way of being.

Skill Number One: Practice Gratitude

Yes, I know you already know this. I’m not the only one who says to do this and this is not the first time. It’s actually one of the assignments in the first class of the Feminine Grace workshop I offer here.

But there’s a difference between ‘knowing’ it’s a good idea, and once in a while remembering to do it, and having the feeling of gratitude permeate throughout your body, so it literally becomes a part of who you are.

The reason this one is first, both here and in the Feminine Grace workshop, is because it’s the quickest way I know to ‘get yourself happy.’ The way to make it work for you is you have to literally ‘feel’ grateful. It won’t work to just say the words, or even think about what you’re grateful for.

Just try it. What comes to mind first when you ask yourself, “What am I grateful for?” When you get an answer, notice if you can feel it, or if it’s just an ‘idea.’ If you really are grateful for this ‘thing’ (can be anything), ponder your sense of gratitude until you notice some real, honest-to-goodness emotion around it. Don’t stop until you get the feeling of being grateful.

If you aren’t able to get there, it could be that you’re not really and truly grateful. So pick something else. Once you finally get to that place where you are really and truly ‘feeling’ grateful, then add to your list.

Now that you have your list…you do have your list, don’t you…make a daily practice of feeling grateful at least once a day. Preferably, you’ll look at your list before you go to sleep, allowing yourself to ‘feel’ your gratitude, then do the same thing before you get up in the morning.

If you really are willing to do ‘whatever it takes to be happy,’ you’ll do this simple thing every day until it become a part of you. When that happens, you will feel like a different person.

And why does this make you feel happy? I’m glad you asked…you did ask, didn’t you? It’s because you can’t be unhappy and feel grateful at the same time. Sorry, not possible. Actually, I’m not sorry at all. That’s because I don’t want you to be unhappy. I really do want you to be happy. And like my ‘guys’ said, my ‘work’ is to inspire you to want to do the work required to be happy.

Okay, go do this exercise and see what happens. Don’t just think about it, actually do it. You’ll never realize the power of gratitude until you apply it to your life.

As usual, I got long winded again, so I’ll add the next ‘Happy Skill’ tomorrow.


Inspiring you to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy,




Is Your Happiness Half Baked?

PeacefulYoungWomanSmYou know the term ‘half-baked,’ don’t you? One definition is: “not well thought out, destined to fail.” Ouch!

You see, the thing about happiness is that most people think it ‘just happens.’ Or maybe if you throw a party you’ll be happy for a while. That’s half-baked thinking.

Happiness is much more than a fleeting, amorphous thing that might happen from some outward event or acquisition of some thing.

In the United States of America Declaration of Independence includes the phrase unalienable Right of “…the Pursuit of Happiness.” To me, that means we are free to pursue happiness, not that happiness is something that can be granted, or even expected.

Happiness is something you have to go after, to make happen. And it’s a choice whether you do that or not. To not choose to do that is, to me, definitely half-baked.

I doubt that there are many people who would say they don’t want to be happy. But from my perch here in Santa Barbara, it seems that a great percentage of people don’t actively pursue happiness, other than all the external things they assume will make them happy.

News Flash!!!

Nothing…nothing…NOTHING outside of you will make you happy. If you think otherwise you are deluding yourself. But you’re not to blame because society teaches otherwise.

Just look at the ads on TV and now on YouTube. “Want to be happy? Get this new great smelling shampoo,” or the latest new SUV, or fun shaped Jell-O.

Why do you think videos of cats doing silly things or babies laughing are so popular? It makes you feel good – feel happy – at least for a little while. But…OMG…I just thought of something…What if…what if all those hours watching YouTube videos were shifted over to developing your ‘skills’ for being happy?

And what are those skills…well, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. (That’s called a ‘cliff-hanger.’) Besides, I’ve got to get back to working on my next book, “Dumb Stuff Women Do On Dates.”


Inspiring you to ‘do whatever it takes’ to be happy,


To Drama or Not To Drama? That Is a Stupid Question

AngryWoman6First things first. I’ll define ‘To Drama’ so we’re on the same page.

To Drama: To act out in response to situations or people that will be counter to what you want; to select a course of action that attempts to let someone know that you are not happy you didn’t get your own way; to over-react to what someone does so that person wants to run away in fear for their sanity; to draw unflattering attention to oneself in an attempt to get your way but makes everyone observing your outburst think, “What a b-tch (moron, spoiled child, drama queen [a.k.a. DQ].)

You can probably tell by that definition that there’s no good reason to throw a drama fit. In fact, it’s the best way to cause any witness to it to not want to cooperate with the DQ. The DQ might get her way in the beginning, but if it continues, she will eventually be the sole beneficiary of her outbursts. But then she gets the benefit of being able to rant against the horrible person who abandoned her. Vicious cycle, as they say.

If you’ve been known to throw a tantrum, to blast someone with accusations without allowing a calm conversation of what really happened, or cry uncontrollably with full gusto, then we need to talk.

If you’ve read a few of my blog posts, you have probably heard me talk about choice. Everything that goes on in your life, at least how you respond and react to people and situations boils down to the choices you make, each and every moment of each and every day.

When it comes to drama, you definitely have a choice. You can be an adult, or you can be a spoiled child. Whoa, that seems like a no-brainer.

But, I know, it’s not that simple. When I see a little kid throwing a temper tantrum, I know it’s not the first time. I also know that it’s about frustration that grows out of not being seen and heard, sometimes not getting the love they seek, and discovering that it’s a great way to get the attention of the adult in their life.

Maybe the DQ of today started out as a frustrated child. Maybe she discovered that it was a great way to get her parent to cave in and give her what she wanted. Or maybe it was the only way she could get her parent’s undivided attention. For sure, the adult DQ developed her ‘talents’ in childhood.

So here’s a scary question to ask yourself if you’re an occasional DQ: “What do I get out of my outbursts? What’s the payoff?” You might want to ask this question in a Relaxation Meditation so you can access the ‘real truth’ about what’s going on. I will guess that it has something to do with some kind of frustration. Probably around not feeling loved. You might ask when this counteractive behavior first started.

Once you understand that this is something that is driven by something deep within your being, you can now choose to react and respond in ‘grown up’ ways. By grown up I mean in ways that help you be understood, cause someone to want to know what’s frustrating you, and holy moley, actually WANT to help you get what you want. Yowzah, now that’s a way-cool concept to consider. ;-)

I feel like such a nag, but I’m gonna lay it on you one more time, ‘What choice do you want to make?’ Stick with the drama, or get loving cooperation from someone who wants to make you happy? Hmmmm, that’s a hard one. (Not really, but I thought it would be fun to link that to one of my favorite jokes.)


Inspiring you to want to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy,


Is Your To-Do List Killing Your Love?

ToDoListNow for part three of 3 Reasons Staying ‘In Love’ Is Hard. Life. Who knew, when you decided to become a committed couple because your love was so big and grand, that something as mundane as your ‘life’ could dampen, or even destroy that love?

But it’s true. One of the biggest killers of love, romance and passion (besides kids, they’re the worst) is the to-do list. I don’t mean, ‘Pick up laundry,’ ‘Get oil changed,’ ‘Buy shampoo.’ No, I mean work, family obligations, working out, watching TV…all the ‘stuff’ that makes up your life.

Most of those things are what you have to do. What Tony Robbins calls the ‘musts.’ He talks about how you get certain things done because you must. Like paying the rent. But when an emergency comes along, somehow you handle it, even though you would have thought you couldn’t, before it became a ‘must.’

In the same way, so much of our daily lives are filled with ‘musts’ that seem to get done.

But what about your relationship? It was a must when you were falling in love, wasn’t it? That’s because it was of such significance…at them moment.

Paying the rent is a monthly ‘must’ that’s in your face all the time. But couples don’t think to put their relationship on the ‘to do’ list of musts because it’s not what society teaches. But I do!

If you don’t put your relationship and your partner on the ‘must’ list, it will always…always…always fall to the bottom of your priorities.

The crazy thing is, when there’s trouble, and it looks like your relationship might be destined to fall apart, then all of a sudden, it becomes a must. Actually, if you really value your relationship and your partner, it can end up being the first item of your ‘to do’ list because you can’t think of anything else.

When it’s bad enough, and you’re in fear of losing it, sometimes it’s difficult to even think about getting your work done.

So, since I’m all about giving you solutions, here’s one that has probably already occurred to you: Put it on the list now, RIGHT NOW, while things are still good.

In my book, Save Your Marriage Now!, I will give you the exact steps required to not only put your relationship on your ‘to do’ list, but how to do it so you turn everything around and fall in love again. Yes, this is another plug, because I believe in what I teach, and it’s only $2.99.)

It’s part of the RPL Technology Of Love. No matter how bad things have gotten, if you have even a smidgeon of love for each other, and wish you knew how to fix things, it is more than possible to not only save your relationship, but build a new relationship, kind of from the ground up, that will give you both the love, passion, romance, and joy that you crave. It Really Is Possible.

But unless you decide that your relationship is worthy of being on your ‘to do’ list, that it is a ‘must,’ NOTHING WILL CHANGE. In fact, ignoring the value of your relationship, and ignoring the value of your partner, will actually cause the love you share to completely wither and die.

So, here’s a challenge, get out your list, no matter where it is – iPhone, Blackberry, refrigerator, that side pocket in your purse – and put your relationship and your husband at the top.

Now that you’ve done that (you did do it, right?) think about what you need to do to enhance your love for each other. At the very least, take a page out of my book and think of a new, unique way to tell him you love and appreciate him. Then see how he responds.

Okay, you’re read this far. That tells me you’re interested in this topic. But are you really going to do something new and different than you have been? What I’ve learned over the years is that seldom does someone read advice, then go out and actually put that advice to work. Is that going to be you? Or are you going to be one of those fantastic exceptions and make your life better than it was yesterday?

Yes, just one step at a time is all it takes…then another. But not taking that first step will get you more of the same, or worse. What do you choose?

Hoping with all my heart that you will do these simple things I have suggested in this 3-part post. You can read part 1 here, and part 2 here.


Inspiring you to do ‘whatever it takes’ to be happy,