When the Right Man Is the Wrong Man

ManHoldingHeartNote: If you’d like to read the first few chapters of my upcoming romance novel, Butterfly Beach, a Santa Barbara Romance, click this link.

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Whether or not you’re in a relationship, there’s one thing that is true for all women. It’s not about the ‘Right’ man. It’s about you.

I talk with women who say, “I’ll be happy when I meet the right man.”

Or, “I’m miserable because I picked the wrong man.”

Part of me wishes it was that easy. But the part of me that knows better is very aware that if you’re not happy with you, the right man will be the wrong man.

Here’s what I mean.

When you meet the man who feels like Mr. Right, whether it’s tomorrow, or years ago before you married him, it does feel like your life is finally working properly.

That’s one of the best things about falling in love. But if you’re not in love with you, which is required for you to be a truly happy woman, he won’t stay Mr. Right for very long.

No man is the right man if you expect him to be the one thing that will transform your life. It ain’t gonna happen.

There’s a saying, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Well, that applies to a man as well.

Don’t let a man be your criterion for having a happy life. A good man should be the icing on an already delicious life.

You have to be YOUR number one, for you to be HIS number one.

When you’ve developed the ‘habit of being happy,’ meaning that’s your natural state of being, there are one of three things that will happen:

  1. If you’re married, he will change in response to the changes you make within yourself, and your relationship will start to sparkle again.
  2. If you’re single, you’re much more likely to start meeting more men who have the potential to be Mr. Right.
  3. Or, if you’re single and haven’t found or don’t even want a man, you’ll simply be happier being you.

Become a member of my Inner Circle and discover the secret to becoming the happy woman you deserve to be.

Get your happy on,


Tough, Tender, Or In-Between?

couple23Okay, if you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that the most important thing is your happiness. If you’re not happy, it doesn’t matter if you have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect man.

NOTHING outside of you will make you happy.

As they say, ‘Happiness is an inside job.’

But one thing that I do focus on is how to have a relationship that makes your heart sing.

So the big fat question of the day is: When are you the happiest? When you’re being tough, tender, or somewhere in-between?

So many women have grown up with the girl-power/woman-power dynamic that they have become steam rollers. Maybe that works in the corporate world. I don’t know because that’s not my world.

But I do know that it doesn’t work when it comes to your romantic relationship. He doesn’t need you to be tender, at least not all the time, but he will put up a wall if you’re tough.

First and foremost, you need to be true to yourself. True to your personality. Don’t try to be something you’re not, unless you want to.

What I mean is, kf you would prefer to be more outgoing, you can teach yourself to do that.

If you’re funny and gregarious, don’t lose that if you like that about yourself.

Most important is never, EVER try to be something you’re not simply because you think he wants or needs you to be. And that goes both ways. Don’t try to change him, either.

So find your ‘In-Between.’ Find the best, most comfortable way to be loving, kind, considerate, and respectful.

Those are essential for any relationship’s success.

But you be you, and let him be him. As long as those qualities I’ve bolded and underlined above are how you treat each other, then let the ‘real you’ shine through. Enjoy being how you want to be.

And if you behave badly–you know what I mean–then don’t ever say, ‘That’s just how I am.’ That’s a cop out. Bad behavior is not appreciated by anyone.

What is bad behavior? Being needy, whining, jealous, cranky, negative, complaining, screaming, throwing tantrums, drama… Those types of qualities become very tiresome and downright grating.

If you’re not sure if you tend toward any of these, ask a close friend, a sister, or maybe your dad. You can replace bad behavior with something that fits the necessary qualities to sustain a loving relationship.

Consider joining my Happy School if you’re interested in becoming your brightest, shiny-ist self,


How To Deal With An Affair

Choose One:

If your spouse says they no longer love you, and you feel more like enemies than friends, what chance is there for turning the relationship around and restoring the love? (The love may NOT really be dead… more on how that’s possible in a second.)

What if your spouse walked away?

Can you persuade them to return, even after you poured your heart into it? The answer is yes (but the techniques, even though extremely effective and powerful, are not as conventional as you might think. In fact, you may be a little apprehensive about trying them.)

But what do you really have to lose?

If you are brave enough to implement the “last-chance” efforts I am about to reveal from my friend and colleague Frank Gunzburg, PhD, it is possible, even though not guaranteed, that you can enhance your success by tapping into marriage-saving methods that may be completely new and more effective than anything you’ve previously tried.

This is important… let me explain.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg just released new strategies designed specifically for crisis couples who feel vulnerable, helpless and desperate to save their marriages. (Even couples where only ONE spouse wants to save the marriage.)

These are seemingly hopeless marriages where one spouse either walked away, or recently revealed they no longer loved the other.

If I am describing your marriage, then please read on because you are NOT at all alone. Here’s why.

I’ve known about Dr. Gunzburg’s remarkable success for almost 3 years, and one thing his organization does well is research. Recently they performed a survey on a total of 1285 troubled marriages, and the findings were heart-breaking.

To give you a picture of the group, 93% are still married, the average age is between 35-55, and 75% of the couples have been married longer than 11 years.

The unfortunate discovery was that only 5% of the couples rated their marriage as happy.

  • 49% rated their marriage as unhappy – but unwilling to divorce…
  • 31% rated their marriage as critical – they are currently separated…
  • 15% rated their marriage as desperate – the divorce papers are filed…

Over 41% of the Couples are Separated

Even though 30% of the audience stated that both individuals in the marriage are equally committed to saving the marriage, a disappointing 60% said their spouse cares little for the relationship, while they are desperate to save it.

Is the love really gone when one spouse wants out?

Here’s where Dr. Gunzburg’s findings become intriguing…

According to Dr. Gunzburg, after working with couples in crisis for over 35 years, when your spouse says they no longer love you, that doesn’t always mean the love is dead. It may simply mean the love has been covered up by anger, frustration, resentment or other emotions.

Typically, this occurs because of an affair or years of neglect.

To justify these feelings, your spouse may even start rewriting history to match this feeling that the love has died. He or she might say things like, “I never really loved you,” “I married you out of a sense of obligation,” or, “I was afraid you would fall apart if I left.”

As difficult as this situation may be, hope isn’t lost because…

If you were once in love, you CAN fall in love again.

There are three specific steps you can take starting RIGHT NOW to revive the loving feelings that once flourished in your marriage. These are not gimmicks, tricks or clever little psychological games.

These strategies were born after 35 years of counseling crisis couples. Couples who first came into Dr. Gunzburg’s office acting more like enemies than friends were later transformed into lovers, best friends and soul mates.

These couples didn’t get their relationship back to where it was before the love evaporated. They learned how to make their relationship better than ever.

If you know your marriage needs serious “medicine” to cure the ills you are faced with, please use this link to read about the 3 skills designed to rebuild the love.

Use this link to turn your marriage around and rebuild the love. Click Here

After you use the link, scroll 1/3 of the way down to read through the 3 skills crisis couples need to follow.

These skills are designed to be followed in sequence.

In fact, throughout the program Dr. Gunzburg uses examples and stories of couples in crisis that will help you relate these principles to your day-to-day life.

When you use this link, you’ll read excerpts from these stories.

For example:

Martha and Todd Todd was blown away when Martha dropped the “D” word. He didn’t even know what to say. He never dreamed things had gotten this bad between them. Unfortunately he hadn’t heard Martha’s repeated pleas for connection and communication. Now he faces losing his wife of 28 years.

Rachel and Clarence Rachel was sitting on the sofa. Her face was pale, and she was unable to speak. She felt like she was spinning. Part of her wanted to cry, but somehow she was too overwhelmed for the tears to come. She just sat listening to Clarence as she felt her world falling apart all around her. Clarence just confessed to his affair. Discover the steps they took to save their marriage from divorce and restore the love, even after the affair.

Use this link to Rebuild the Love

One other important note…

After you read about his program, I strongly recommend you invest in it. In fact, the first 100 people who order today will have access to a special bonus.

Use this link and scroll to the bottom and read about the special Rebuild the Love Training audio he’s offering JUST for my readers.

The first 100 people who order his newly released program before tomorrow will get access to this training audio as a special bonus.

Rebuild the Love

Remember, when your spouse says they no longer love you, that doesn’t mean the love is dead. It may simply mean the love is covered over by their “anger and resentment.”

You have a chance to win your spouse back and begin again. Use this link to learn how to do it.

Rebuild the Love

Wishing you love and happiness,

5 Things You Should Never Say To a Man

WorriedManNote: If you’d like to read the first chapter of my upcoming ‘first’ novel, just click here.

Do you ever find yourself wanting to motivate your guy to be better, do more, or simply ‘get his act together’?

You’re not alone. Most women do it. And I think it’s partly because we’re wired that way.

Women are here to procreate and raise children (even if you never intend to, that’s the biological imperative). Every good mother wants her children to be the best they can be, in every way.

The problem is, women tend to do the same thing to with their man. Not good, unless your goal is to antagonize him.

If your goal is to have a more harmonious, loving, and joy-filled relationship, I offer the reasons why saying these 5 things are so damaging.

I doubt that you would say exactly what I suggest, but anything that goes even near these 5 will cause him to close up, just like a turtle you’ve poked a stick at. In Men Made Easy, where I offer 12 Secrets about men, I go into much greater detail of what you need to know in order to have a man who adores you.

5 Things You Should Never Say To a Man:

  1. Her husband (boyfriend) makes more money than you do.
  2. My ex had a bigger penis than yours.
  3. You’re afraid of that?
  4. You’re a lousy dad.
  5. You’re a big disappointment.

So let’s look at each of these.

1) As you’ve probably noticed, men tend to be a bit competitive. And I’m not just talking about on the playing field. They may not say anything, but they’re very aware of their position in the pecking order. Any time you compare your guy to the greater success of another, you’re pretty much  rubbing salt in an open sore. Ouch!

If the goal is to have a man who adores you, let him know how proud you are of whatever his achievements are. Maybe it has nothing to do with his work. But there is something. If not, why are you with a man who you don’t respect?

2) Men have a strange relationship with their willie. They know they’re pretty much stuck with what God gave them, but they still worry about it. So if you ever even hint that he’s not as big as you’d prefer, you’ve basically destroyed him.

If your goal is to have a man who adores you, let him know on a regular basis how perfect his willie is. Even it it’s not, there’s nothing you can do about it. It was good enough in the beginning, so there’s no reason to cut him down. And as long as we’re on the subject, let him know what a good lover he is. If he’s not, then it’s your responsibility to let him know what you like. If he’s not willing to please you in bed, why are you with him?

3) Men feel like they should be brave, but most would prefer to avoid scary situations. Of course, most every man is afraid of sharks and not embarrassed to say so. Or maybe snakes, or spiders…and big scary  men with huge muscles. But he doesn’t need you pointing out that he’s anything less than Superman.

If your goal is to have a man who adores you, find the things he does that show strength or bravery and let him know you’re impresses.

4) Some men are lousy dads. But if he lacks father skills, reminding him is not the way to motivate him to give his kids what they need from him. But one caveat: If he really is a bad father, and his kids are being harmed either physically or emotionally, it’s your responsibility to protect them.

If you want to have a man who adores you, point out all the ways he is a great dad. Hopefully, that will motivate him to do even more. If he admits he’d like to do better, admit that you’re not perfect either and find books, classes, or programs where you can work together to raise kids that will be an asset to society.

5) Any time you even hint that he’s a disappointment, you’ve doomed your relationship. If he doesn’t leave, he’ll begin to pull away. One day you’ll look at your relationship and wonder what happened.

If you want a man who adores you, let him know all the ways he’s a good man, a success, a hero, and someone you respect and admire. If there is nothing you can think of, then why are you with him?

I hope this inspires you to notice how you might be saying any of the above, either directly, or in subtle ways that neither of you notice. But trust me, no matter how subtle, he will pull into his shell.

Wishing you much love and happiness,


Is This a Problem For You?

Young woman relaxing on couch in living roomNote: If you’d like to read the first chapter of my soon-to-be-released novel, just click here.

There are probably a bunch of things you want.

Maybe you’re single and want a man.

Maybe you’re married and want a bigger house…or a husband who spends more time with you.

Maybe you want to lose twenty pounds.

Wanting is fine, wanting is part of the human condition. Wanting is the source of much invention.

But wanting can get you into trouble when you make yourself unhappy because you don’t have what you want.

The way to get around the problems that come from wanting is to remind yourself that you may or may not get what you want, but that you’re going to be happy either way.

Make a plan for the things you want. Be proactive, but be gentle with yourself. If you need to save for something material, then start saving.

But no matter what your material situation is–housing, clothes, food, transportation, luxuries–the most important thing you can do is to be the best person you can be. And that will look different for each person.

Hopefully, if you’re reading this, you want to be kind, considerate, loving, and yes, happy.

So what kind of a plan do you need to make? Do a light meditation and take a personal inventory and see what you need to do to feel really good about how you are as a person.

If you tend to be cranky, what can you do to replace that behavior? Idea: Maybe sleep more?

If you tend to be negative, pointing out what’s wrong, rather than celebrating what’s right, what needs to change? Idea: Start noticing what you pay attention to and comment on. Then switch over to the good things that are all around you. They are, you know.

If your relationship isn’t what it can be, what needs to be talked about, what changes to each of you need to make, what’s your plan? Idea: Download The Secret Language Of Love and start following my advice. What I teach in this book has the power to transform any relationship. All you need to do is want it bad enough to make it happen.

Wanting is fine, just don’t let wanting get in the way of you living your life. Today is where you live, not somewhere off in the future where wanting hangs out.

If you’d like to really take charge of your life, I offer an online workshop that will guide you, step-by-step. All you need to do is become a member of my Inner Circle (what I call the Happy School) and you’ll have instant access.

Wishing you all the happiness you desire,